Any moment, everything can change…
Watching some teen flick… scene on a rooftop… dawn… ‘any moment… anything can change, any moment everything can change…’
I heard a sigh from my chest… I miss that moment… on the rooftop… no worries… just you and me watching the stars upside down… simple things… I miss everything simple… no complications, just two souls still unsure of what the future holds… no words to scare each other, just stares, simple stares… hopeful stares… no kisses to regret, just laughter, you and I dancing freely on the roof top … just the world and us changing its hues… innocence still abound…
I belonged there, for a moment… just a few moments… then everything changed… the world caught my attention and I turned my back from you, momentary… but it changed everything…
I can never get it back… cheating myself on other souls, hopeful that finally, some shape can replace the big loss that is you… I just keep throwing my innocence away… I still belonged in that moment… not to you anymore but that moment on the rooftop… gazing at the world upside down…
Last Friday, I was happily jumping up and down while waiting for my officemate to close up when one of my officemates approached me asking her to help her shop for new clothes and may be help perk up her look a bit. I happily obliged, I love being of help. As she walked near the door she went back, sat beside me and cried. I didn’t know what to make of it… Here’s someone authoritative breaking down before me, I tapped her back and never left her side. She said she just feels so depressed… I keep trying to cheer her up; telling her it will be ok… I know it will… as she walked away, I told her, ‘don’t let it get you ok, don’t drown, I am just here, anytime, a call or text away…’ an anchor… that’s what we all need…
Cries… I’ve been hearing this a lot lately from close friends and family… makes me worry, I have a lot of problems also, a lot that I just try to push my self so hard so that I never have to think of them, it’s better to laugh than worry. To dance and jump around than be on the floor… my mom would even text me that sometimes she just wants to kill herself, oh god, so I have to be the adult to tell her not to? I would try to make her feel better til I reach a spot within my self that makes me feel stronger.
We got a call the other day in the office regarding a writer who jumped on top of a hotel recently, her mom, was calling about her last article. We were all shocked. This girl just recently passed the bar exams yet she opted to commit suicide… what is going on with the world… every one is getting depressed…
I just got off the phone with two of my friends, the other one nearing bankruptcy, the other worrying about her kid and her studies… then my brother messaged, ‘don’t you have plans on getting married? You’re in your late 20’s already…’ oh my, don’t you think that can be on the last on my list already. He just cracked me up… how I love him…
Life, it’s fun to live it… to laugh, to cry, to be in love, to get heart broken and to bounce back again, to create some drama and be entangled with it… there’s so much… so much we can do… ‘please don’t let it get to you…’ fuck, even Akon sings that song…