War of Nerves
Ang unos, natatapos, ngunit ang gulo at sirang naiwan ay mahirap ilagay sa ayos. Isa, isa pilit mong itinatayo ang lahat ng gumuho ngunit ang mga malalim na sugat na naiwan ng unos ay mahirap isaayos.
Narinig ko ang boses mo, mahina ngunit alam kong ikaw ito. Nagulat ako at ibinaba ang telepono. Bakit? Ganyan naba ang tingin mo? Bumaba pailalim lalo ang pagkakilala ko sayo. Nakakalungkot, nakapanghihinayang. Ang baho ng amoy ng iyong hinaing. Pabuntunghininga akong kinilabutan. Isang ungol ng pagkababoy? You think I wouldn’t recognize your voice? I got so familiar with everything that you are that even a simple hello from my back would tell me that it’s you. I will always remember this and would always tell my self how ugly you’ve become to my eyes. You made me feel so sad for you.
Everything that I beautifully imagined in my head of how you are now down the drain of sorrow. It’s so sad how you wish the beautiful would win the ugly side. I don’t think it will ever happen.
Ang sabi ng diwata, ‘Hanggang ngayon ba’y ikaw ay nakikidigma sa sarili mo?’ Hindi na siguro, I think I let the ravine swallow it whole.
Seduction, I’m tired of that game. Where have all the sensible women went? I can be naughty yet I know I will always stay a little reserve. ‘Reserved?’ I heard a voice scream in my head, ‘How can you say you are reserved when you’ve laid down everything for everyone to peruse.’ ‘Like a train wreck everyone can’t stop and stare…’ a caring voice once told me, yes that is true, I once told someone, ‘Honey, if you keep airing your dirty laundry, then every one will surely cover their eyes and mock.’ Why can’t I tell this to my self?
Kanina habang ako’y nagdridrive sa EDSA, nagtext si diwata, ‘Talking and talking is like walking naked.’ Para akong nauntog, siguro nga, lumalakad ako ng hubad kaya minsan sila na ang nagkukubli para ‘wag tumitig. Nalilito ako, pano na ang himig na gusto kong ilabas sa aking labi, mahirap sumigaw sa utak ng nag-iisa. I can’t sing no matter how I try, but my words, these are my melody but it is not the cumulation of me. Yes, I think, this is the new battle in me. Will you hold my voice? It makes me feel so small sometimes.
To that little smile I secretly hoped to stay, will you come back? I have yet to hear your melody…