Hush…
Silence… ‘Sometimes I wonder if you are even in your office,’ an officemate commented the other night while at the event. They say I was a little tamed recently, not getting mad all the time, not screaming so much about my funny antics and not dancing around the hall of the firm. I keep telling them I’m just tired. It’s funny when they’re used to you blabbing all the time that when you finally shut up people think there’s something wrong with you.
I like this feeling though, may be I’m getting old or just really tired most of the time. Even my thoughts don’t occupy my time that much anymore.
I’ve been busy again lately and the lack of sleep is mostly cuz of work. I like it that way. Busy. I like me busy, productive and not lost in my thoughts. I haven’t gotten my canvasses yet so I’m just working on magazine deadlines most of the time.
For the past days, when I hit the bed and close my eyes, I dose off easily. And I’m dreaming of dreams again, not words anymore, dreams.
Sitting on a quiet Friday night with acquaintances, they keep asking about a new story from the chapter that I closed up already. I told them, ‘Guys can we just talk about something else, it’s tiring, let’s just talk of politics, communism and democracy,’ I was smiling with the thought. I even forgot to tell them some recent incident that happened. I love it, that chapter is not important to me anymore. They just squeeze me so much that I end up stating it again. But then again it bored me like hell. As I wrote about my truth Thursday, my friends were calling me and asking if I am ok. ‘Putcha, ano nanaman yang emote na yan?’ I just said, ‘Nah it’s truth Thursday, we just write about it every week. Its just snippets of what I’m feeling but it does not define the complete state that I am in.
Silence… I hid myself from partying last Friday cuz I’m so tired. Told them I’m reserving my energy for Saturday. Saturday is the day I put grains in my serenity. Well what else is new. While getting up the stairs of my apartment I was happily staring at my red toes. They make me smile, I’m still in awe with red paint on my toes. Makes me feel like naughty is still in me.
I woke up on a stormy Sunday with head reverberating from last night’s hangover. The mood is so gloomy and the black out made it even worse. I stirred from my pillow, a wisp of last night’s perfume lingers on the folds of my hair… it’s unfamiliar, not mine. I smiled with the thought, ‘I don’t mind, I’m hiding a secret smile.’