Me and my silly twin me
I thought finally stressing my body this much would send me to la la land, yet here I am staring at my monitor again… I slept on the car on the way home, been a while since I went out of town without me behind the wheels…
The waves, I shouted and cheered for it today to wash the surfboard to shore… I love first times… made me so happy that I was able to stand up on the board the moment it hit the wave… I keep telling the instructor that it’s like doing my yoga… push up, 45 and 90 degrees on your feet then balance… still have to learn so much and work on paddling, damn this could get addicting… anyway, I told my friend as I carry the huge board while walking to our spot, ‘I’ve always thought surfers are sexy, but carrying the weight of this board doesn’t make me feel sexy!’ we were laughing, I always find it funny to make fun of my ditzy side…
I was browsing at the photos my friend took and I find it weird how in some photo I look a little mannish with my broad shoulders, while on the other clips my photos look so girly as I raised my hands balancing on the surfboard. The butch and the femme in me, it gets confusing sometimes. We were talking about sports and how I use to play basketball in college yet in my head I’ve always wanted to be a cheerleader. As my friend hits the racetrack today I screamed and cheered in my shortest of shorts yet in my head I keep thinking, ‘Damn a girl on the race track is so fuckin hot,’ better the driver than just the chick with boobs dropping the flag!
I was secretly fussing about it in my head how sexy it is to be a Spartan on the ring at the same time be the cheerleader on top of the pyramid, the subject or the photog, the painter or the model, the king or queen, Romeo or Juliet, the artist or the ditz… hmmm my lesbian thoughts… if you can’t date them be them… if you can’t have candy, be the candy. Either way sexy is always involve. How I love sexy. How I love androgyny. Anyway just be.
I met this guy yesterday and he keeps saying he thinks he met me before cuz my ‘Aura’ is familiar. My Aura? What’s the color of it anyway? I wish I meet me as well so I would know what it is.