I hear solitude tonight

I watched so many scenes of solitude tonight, every one hiding in their little wall of glass, so much pain and sorrow caused by some one else’s pain… the ‘tree of solitude’ I always call it, it’s a title of one of the paintings that I’m doing…

I am in awe by how lonely everyone is… make up for great movie scenes… I was hanging out with a close friend tonight, conversing under the modes of rain falling from the roof… the rain, makes every thing so gloomy, nostalgic, and just plain messy at times… I am here again bathing in the offering of my solitude, how I love the silence and peace that it dawns on me… peace, doesn’t everyone crave for it?

I was in my head again as the last scene of the movie was panning on the screen… a woman crying by the side of her bed, then a phone call, a warm happy voice on the other line, then the words, ‘I love you.’ It made me smile. I thought to myself, how lovely that moment is, how in every corner of the world right now, two souls are whispering that to each other, such a beautiful thought. I was happily engaged in my own modes of thinking as my phone squeaked. A message on the other line, it made me smile. It’s funny when you’re craving for a soul to remember you and when someone does you question why it isn’t the person you want to be remembered by… funny. What are the odds...

I remember a line in one of Madonna’s songs, ‘Why is it so hard to love one another, why is it so hard to love?’ Is it really? To love is one of the easiest things to feel, yet we try to find it to those who can’t share it… my friend was looking at some of the works I’ve finished, as she brushed her hand across the canvass she said, ‘Why is it that you made something this big to remind you of a memory of someone you barely even know when the other one who hurt you doesn’t make you paint some thing like this?’ I said, I have a different box for that, but those are sad memories. I told her I want something that makes me smile, cuz every time someone hears the story behind this canvass it makes them smile. Then she smiled at me, ‘See, it makes another soul smile, ain’t that a lovely feeling?’ She smiled again… oh how I love her… see, there there, so easy to love someone… then a funny thought, ‘yup, someone you actually like.’

We were secretly fussing about how some people sees negative things that comes from someone’s mouth as still something good, I told her sometimes it can be, but there are times when these people just don’t get it. There are things people say to patronize, quick-witted people gets it fast, some just ignores the signs, and some, some just doesn’t read between the lines… it’s just sad and unfortunate. They try to analyze it but why still give a fuss when you find out they just don’t give a damn… sometimes there’s a borderline between dislike and just plain disgust. Things people often feel but refuse to raise a finger on it, and when someone does, they tell you that you’re mean and even call you names.

O well, anyway, perceptions are always misleading, it makes someone commit murder. ‘Hey, hey, don’t point that gun at me.’