Division of time

I just got back from a preprod and staring at my monitor again, so sleepy at work yet I can’t rest cuz there are so many things to finish. I only had 2 hours of sleep since this morning, I can’t stop painting and staring at my words at the same time, the narcissistic me on a high…

I was talking to my (‘dad’) mentor during the meeting, I was telling him the eye bags that my art is causing me…I told him about another friend who told me that my eyes reveal an older me that is not me, I screamed at him, ‘duh as if you are not the same Jurassic park!’ he was laughing and said, ‘ well at least my eye bags means money, not you way back, your bags tells so much of women!’…I wanted to slap him and flee, yes the start of my year, fuckin ‘rootless tree’, last year was different, I was the busiest and the most productive and how he envied me…someone told me that I am the busiest person she knows, and I told her I never want it to end, I want to be this busy til I reach 40 or 50, I never want my brains to rut…she said, ‘wait til you find someone to be with, the busy you will be so fuckin frustrated…’ well, they can all wait, my time, I hold it in me and share it to those I want to share them with. I do not believe that just cuz a person is busy then they do not have time for others, of course they do, they always do, its just a matter of importance. A matter of choosing and balancing…what sucks is when you are there, they take it for granted…when I give a person with high regard, I always tell them, ‘I am here…’ hoping they will make the most of it…cuz I have a short attention span and easily slips away…

Dad said at least its good that I am doing the things I love the most while he is working and working, I told him, ‘Give me more work! I want money,’ and laughed…

I am listening to the new Madonna album ‘Hard Candy’, it takes a while to sink in…I still love her old soul, ‘Bed Time Stories’, ‘Erotica’, ‘Something to Remember’, ‘Ray of Light’…they’re the best, I like borrowing her words once in a while…she’s timeless…

Music, like a work of art, its best when its full of soul, no not a love song, just melodies sculpted from some ones real experience, I feel them in me…I hate fluff that tries to be deep, they have holes in between their soul, like a fuckin doughnut…fluff is good for fun but that’s just it…I would moon on Paris Hilton and Beyonce but would always know when to get back…

While driving I played the director’s songs that he sent me way back, it’s soothing…he collated a podcast of the songs he made for rainy days, something he resides to when he is brooding…I love him, a soul who thinks the same as me…a soul who’s fucked up as I am yet standing tall…our emotions, it’s a beautiful part of us…I barely even got to know him but the pieces he shared are treasures I keep…he is Romeo in my ears…how I love these people, the gifts they bring are worth more than money…their words, their songs, their artworks, the movies they make…the gifts of their thoughts…mga diwata sa mundong normal…I could live with them in a deserted island and for sure we would all have fun…reminds me of a conversation about heaven and hell, I told someone before how interesting hell would be cuz there are so many brilliant eccentrics there, writers, painters, singers and we would all dance the beat of Zion, drenched in sweat and lust…a funny thought…I so want to be one of them but they scare me, and I don’t want to look like them…

The marketing department asked me for a new concept for an editorial, I love it when they milk ideas, then I try to speak like I know things, then they would believe, then I’d start to believe on what I said…hahaha funny, then if my ideas fuck up, so many thousands are spent on wasted print, ouch…o well blame it on believing…

Maybe I should stop speaking in my head again…it’s so hot outside but my office is a freakin’ winter wonderland…I want to sleep soon…