Love on a different light...

I am writing again about love…its everywhere, I felt it since my year started…I loved and enjoyed every single bit of it…I picked up my pencils and sketch pad again, continuing the goal I was supposed to finish before my birthday…I lost my energy to create since last year because I was as cold as snow…I couldn’t feel…how can you create when the color means empty and the lines bare…now that I am reborn I feel more alive than ever…excited to use colors that came from the fruits of my heart…

I am so thankful…if I die today, everything that happened to me were worth it…the love I shared and the tears I shed…every inch worth it…it makes me feel so happy and inspired…so I will paint while my wounds are still sore…it will quench my thirst…I am so parched…

Love is all around us…an angel told me about the different shades of it…of romance, of friendship, of relationships…love…I think that’s what I am in love with…the idea of love…I am not a Juliet, I am and will always be a Romeo dressed in gown, funny it sounds so gay, but that’s me I am gay… love is not complicated, its relationships that makes everything complicated…it’s selfishness that makes one to let go, immaturity and insecurity…these things are the things that breaks us and leaves us undignified and broken…but these are also the things that makes us human…feelings that are used up…

Love, it’s not all about attraction to another person, it’s not about jealousy and selfishness or the memories of the past, it’s not about lust…I fall in love with details…of someone’s being…eyes, hands, the touch, the laughters, the pain, the quirks that keeps us smiling, the things that tickles me, the dreams, the things that’s worth more than money…the broken things that needs to be fix, the kindness and openness of one’s heart…even the tiniest pore that looks funny…they’re beautiful to me...

Beauty, I think I’m addicted to it…and for some reason it always cross my path…which is good, I need it…to feel...which is also bad, cuz it hurts like hell…so I think not for now…it scares the living shit out of me…

Someone asked me about love, she said aren’t we suppose to work hard for it and fight for it? I told her, why will you fight for something that is not yours…that’s not love, that’s selfishness…and she asked again, ‘why does love cause us pain and makes us flee’…I told her, you know, love, it also gets tired…and hello, I do not have the answer to it all, I am just a catalyst to love, a pawn and a slave to it…god it’s tiring…

Me, I will continue to love and give to who ever I find beautiful but for now I still have to pick up the pieces that I gave to all those I loved, I ran out of it and I left nothing for my self…but love, it’s so much beautiful when it’s yours, reciprocated…for now, I will use all my pain and desire with my brush and paper…and to see the result of your works is better than orgasm…