Beautiful

I woke up today with a bad headache, I heard my phone squeak so I turned, the angel greeted me good morning…it made me think once more…it lulls my reverberating head from the night of confusion, last night was a mess for me…I saw the girl who broke my heart…what a headache…I wanted to bury her but I can feel the scars getting sore, I breathe in and close it up, I know I am strong, I am standing with my toes on the ground, TALL, that I am…heights that will develop overtime…

The song plays again…’this phenomenon, I gotta put it in a song and it goes like this…oh, amber is the color of your energy…’I wanted the angel to hear it too but the message came in a bad time…I detached myself to understand…in it and above, that’s how everything should be…I stood up and shrug selfishness and let kindness and openness dawn on me…it always helps…I need to be alone she says…alone…then I look at myself, yes, alone, that’s what I need as well…not temporary bandage that I keep filling in but doesn’t even fit…ALONE…we are all better of…

At this moment I decided to close up and let her be…still not meant for us…so what can we do if we realize that we just found the most amazing personalities in us…we aren’t ready…the sweet nothings we fill each other with, they are EMPTY…the hugs and kisses on our necks and the strength of our grips…they are empty…it’s sad to find the right person when your heart is black and frozen as snow…it’s sad…but that is life…I could see her lovely smiles sparks in my memory, her laughs that tickles me, her eyes that swims right through me, her soft skin that calms me, her words that taunts me, her charm, her brilliance, her stance, her silly little quirks and her colorful polygons…she is the one for me, a combination of two of the women I love in the past that still warms my heart…she is beautiful and my angel…I want her to be the one…we would tell each other ‘you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met’…but love, she says, ‘its complicated’…thus it is, it leaves us all undignified and battered…you act on it and hurt will surely head its way, to break us…she will not be a stain that scars me…I do not want her to be…oh how this feels so heavy…it pains me…

We struggle to survive but we survive never the less…to let go and dive on our own, that’s how we get by…I wanted to dance with new music in my ears…with my self, I am dancing with myself, but I am smiling…

Someone told me that love shouldn’t be all pain, it should be happiness…I look at all the people that surrounds me…women…we are all broken…the girl who persists, the diwata and her prose, the angel who saved me, the scorpion that stings her heart, the drama queen who keeps calling, the broken mind who broke me, my first love and her tact…we all have different stories, different pains, different smiles, somehow all crooked…and for some uncanny reason we are all connected to each other…our voices echoes in entanglement…I could see it in my head, the strings of thoughts, the moans of laughter’s and pain…we echoed the same…LOVE, longing and desire…it leaves us sore…To let go and free ourselves of these, that’s what needs to be done…my blinders are not with me anymore I can see, hear, and feel, and I will paint all the colors that comes my way…

WOMEN…we are beautiful you know…amazing in all hues…we should embrace and let go…I wish I can hug them all and give what is due, but my hands are small and my heart can only beat for one…we all have a home, we don’t have to search for it, it will find us…the things that we can do with our hands and minds, let all the things that burns us be put into beauty…’smile for me will you?’ and I will smile for you…