Broken Window

Time stopper...

I keep searching for the time where I could have stopped, there where a lot…but I tried and pushed these thoughts aside because I have hoped and wished…for once to be the sun again…but I guess it wasn’t time, it wasn’t…maybe, maybe in life there will only be one that mattered, and maybe I have had it the first time…

I don’t want to wish again…for the falling star just keeps crashing into me and I burn…it wasn’t suppose to be like that…I was once the flame, not the moth, not to be burned but burn…prey to a victim, I used to be the prey, now just a victim of some one else pain…

I thought for once the rain will stop pouring…the overcast gone for a while…it was short…sa lilim, sa lilim ako nagtago sa bilad, ngunit ang lilim na animo’y luntian noon ay unti unti natuyo’t naglagas…and there I was watching each leaf fall, without grace, crashing like the tears I shed rolling down my burnt skin…

A memory, this I want to surrender, stashed away in the lost chapters of my book…it was a wild ride but I do not want to recall not even peep for a while…a silent spark that died so fast…how could I have been so wrong…

The title was fitting…’Escape’…it was just an escape…and like any thing you run away to, you have to go back and face reality some time…and thus I have to wake up now…to be sober from a drunken fate…I will stay sober…like the years I’ve mustered.

Sanctuary

I haven’t been scribbling…once again, I feel my words belonged to someone else, no longer for the world to read…this happened once before, I lost myself and resided in one place, like a hermit I hid where I felt loved and safe…I never thought I would be in the same predicament again…been nudging it aside for more than three years, it came un expected and in the most beautiful package…I have found my sanctuary…it didn’t need pursuing nor simmering, the moment she held my hand I knew I had to let myself free…

And so it is…once again a hermit, but not hiding…I would come out of my shell with another holding my hand and making me feel safe and so free just to be me…not a hamburger for a steak, just coffee and cream swimming in water where love drowns us most of the time…its overwhelming…makes me feel so alive every waking moment…I know now that I would never see the flowers wilt, because she would always make sure I have fresh flowers to greet my everyday…

On my birthday I wished just for one thing…to be the sun again, and so as I blew on the candle with the blue flame, the cosmos prepared for my gift…every inch that I requested, given to me…some one same as me, only stronger and more giving…it’s as if we’ve known each other for years…same stories, same heartache, same modes of solitude with a few quirky differences that molds us into one…it couldn’t be anymore perfect, we still pinch each other to see if its all real…too fast…too soon…we both wished that it will be the last…both second servings…both starting…no longer innocent…

All worth it…the tears I’ve cried years before, the sorrows I’ve had the first time, all washed anew…the laughter’s sounds different now, the smile, the jokes, her charm, her…just her…all new to me and it makes every second worth discovering what lies ahead…as she unfold in my everyday, it makes me fall deeper and my heart expand like I’ve never been hurt…made me believe again, makes me dream of new dreams…together she says…no longer the moon hovering below the overcast…sun again, we will watch each other grow…

...the door is open, i am finally home…