HUnger hurts, but starving works…
Why can’t I keep those that purify me…I always have to drop it, like losing a stone in a ravine, I cannot get it back…I don’t want to bite like the wolves that I dread, that is not what I am made of… I just want a little borrowed time when I feel like I need it…selfish, but we both use each other in our own ways…
…getting used to the habit can be excruciating when you rid yourself of it…it haunts…as the song goes, ‘hunger hurts but starving works’…
I only wanted to drown from words, words from my mouth and yours…without malice, without shame, with no guilt to crucify our selves in…I do not need guilt when I have done nothing wrong…I only wanted someone to hear…you don’t have to be visible for me to feel…everything in my world is already a whirlpool of chaos…what you are is an escape, a silent retreat that I like to reside in once in a while…I shut myself from reality and connect to you in a simple phrase…it consumes me…I scream silently and you echoed with me…you don’t have to be real…I don’t want you to be real…
…I don’t search, I am found…and that will remain…
…I swim now in red…and linger in it…Fiona is singing in my ears, whispers of prose that elevates me…I’m back to my own corner again, shut eyes, floating in the music that soothes my nerves…words, my kind of drug…in the coming days the music will change…something to feed my hunger for rhythm, and I will once again dance where the music will take me… do not look for me on the stage cuz I won’t show my self…I will no longer tempt you because you burn in my light…and that light is shut, it no longer glows for you cuz you know what is behind it…it is not pretty, it’s not fun…a meaningless pursuit…it tastes bitter in my mouth, it may have lingered for a while but I did not swallow for I know that it is poison…
I can say a thousand and more words, something that can make you squirm and tremble but I will not…I want you to remain unscathed…I’m just a silly little Juliet whose tongue can beat how many of your Romeos…
…I will starve my self for now, you do to…I will be looking back at the ravine where I lost the stone, I hope it will find its way back to me somehow…