Truth in Lies
Some of us live in the past, others in the present, some live in their dreams, and most of us, live in our ‘lies’…
I just finished the first season of Dexter (I managed to sneak a whole series this weekend, thank god); I love it, its truth, its reality, and its comedy. I always love characters that live in another world inside their heads; it reminds me of how I am most of the time. I guess most people would relate to his character, not in a serial killer kind of way but his loneliness, his emptiness, being an outsider looking in, and the fallacy we surround ourselves with for others to see. His character is more human than how he sees himself, but I love the way he is portrayed, and how he sees what is normal. With how the world has become, I’m not sure what is still normal and who else is telling the truth.
It reminds me of one of L Word’s first season episodes, where Jenny was writing about lies, that we all live in lies, lies told out of kindness, lies told to pacify others, lies told to preserve dignity, lies told to save face, lies that spares pain…white lies, black lies, little shades of gray lies…everyone is a liar, most of the time, we wrapped ourselves with too much lies that we don’t know what is real anymore, we convinced ourselves of certain things so as not to see the worse picture. We would always find ourselves in the dark searching for what is still real. It’s scary to find emptiness in it…scary isolation and vulnerability, but most people doesn’t see that when we laugh out loud and scream words in the middle of the crowd, we hide in a dark cloak like everyone else. Like Dexter, everybody puts a mask so as to be part of a reality, more like in the ‘Matrix’; truth covered in beauty so human can swallow better. 
Look around us, we are all covered in lies, photos in magazines, billboards, the television, these blogs, these words, my vague words seeping into the vastness of the net… you reading it…do you see the person beneath it? Scary isn’t it. In Dexter, he smiles at photos so he can blend in, I think everyone does it, look around friendster and multiply. I once saw photos of someone’s wake, the relatives are all smiles in the album, I wonder what they were thinking. Look at wedding photos, they hire photographers to take sweet moments, composed poses with awkward looking couples. I like wedding photos that tells a story, shows what is really happening than people stiffly posing with each other in their fake smiles, thank god there are a lot of new photographers doing photo journ style in weddings now.
Haaay…have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Sometimes it’s hard to look and accept what we see. Look at plastic surgery, human’s ingenuity to cover up what’s ugly, what a lie, but everyone including me would like a hand on it. I read somewhere that in the future we’ll have more ugly people than good looking ones, because it’s so easy to cover our imperfections, attract a mate with a false face, procreate and produce an ugly duckling. Oh my, what a world it’ll be ☺
I cannot remember the last time I felt connected to another human soul, most of the time when I get close to someone I seem to fly above the situation, question their motives and the truths behind what they say, it’s so sad. But who’s to blame, we reach a certain age when everyone is nice cuz of certain motives. A friend was complaining before that she thinks people are nice to her and befriends her so they can ride in her car, is that how people have become? ‘You work in an industry full of fakes and you become one of them,’ I heard that from someone before, I hope that it’s not true for everyone. People are forced to act a certain way cuz others expect them to. Sometimes it’s easier dealing with a cruel person, at least you know what you’re getting, like a warning taped on their foreheads telling you what will tick them off, unlike some people who’s so nice you wouldn’t know when they will bite, I know a lot of people like that, it feels like walking on eggshells being with them.
Anyway, back to Dexter, I like what was said about sex and being in love. It’s so undignified, the mating ritual, the mating call, funny, it makes a person look like shit when they’re in it. It’s been a while since I felt something for a person; I get queasy thinking about it. All the cheesy stuff people pull when they’re in love, sigh, it makes us look like worms in a vulnerable environment. But it’s hard to control when it arrives, no matter how much we cover it; it’s hard to compose ourselves. I remember the stunts I use to pull, funny, it’s so gross but there’s so much truth in it. It’s better feeling in love when we’re still in our youths, we feel more, we put out more, we cry more and we tell more…more exciting so to speak. When we get hurt and learn from our mistakes, it hardens us, matures us, hides us, freakin’ covers all the painfully colorful truths.
Humans are in a constant search for the truth, look at us, look at the things we watch on TV, reality shows, talk shows, documentaries, paparazzi photos, the things people do to see what’s still real, so that we can still feel alive. On TV we like it more when they air out circumstances like actors forgetting their lines, stars fucking up, showing that their still human, Beyoncé tripping on the stage, Britney cursing on reporters, Anna Nicole’s showbiz frenzy, Kris Aquino’s misses and hits, characters on Pinoy Big Brother airing out their laundry etcetera etcetera, the list goes on.
But it’s confusing sometimes, we go through such extent to look for the truth, but sometimes we’d rather hear lies, it’s easier to accept. Imagine a world were everyone’s telling you what exactly is in their heads, scary…I wouldn’t wish the powers to see someone thoughts, it’s haunting, I wouldn’t be able to act the way I want to…sigh, I gotta hit the sack, I have a world to paint tomorrow, I wish I put out more truth than lies, it would be easier to live without worries that way.