Broken Window

So many things have happened since my new year started, some good some bad…but I feel good and happy even when I’m sick as hell… I’ve been sick for 2 weeks now, coughing like a mad dog, after New Year parties and following drunken birthdays, I got the bug and slowed me down a bit, too bad I got my cousin infected too, after People of the Year party

I had to drag her to the ER with my high hair up and full make up still on…4am–my cousin on the stretcher–me feverish and coughing with high Erykah Badu hair and her bf waiting for those little interns to get us some medical care. We had to freaking wait for two hours before they even tend to us, by then my feverish cousin was getting up already and joking about how our night ended…from couture to the emergency room.

Back home we had to nurse and take care of each other, good thing her bf was there to play resident nurse. It’s zone contagia back in the apartment, I swear its hard getting sick and having no one to take care of you…just when I thought I couldn’t get any thinner there it was staring back at me in the mirror, haggard, all skin and bones with dark circles around the eyes. It’s scary…

I haven’t touched a cigarette for days now cuz of my colds and I just keep loading up on liquids and food…lotsa food…

I wonder where it all goes…I just came back from the ER again today, I had to get my blood tested for any bacterial infection cuz I had recurring fever, they say it’s viral plus I developed an allergy from dust or any airborne pollutants that’s why I’m always coughing. I coughed so hard this morning I spat blood from the scratched walls of my throat. I hope the meds the doctor gave will reduce it already cuz I’m having a hard time fixing my deadlines when I’m sick all the time and can’t even get enough rest I needed.
Anyway, I’m just happy I got my new Mac book delivered already. First of my checklist in 2007 checked, thank God…been craving for it for a long time now, (a loooong sacrificial tedious wait…) When I got it I feel like a mommy who just gave birth to her baby and couldn’t stand leaving it anywhere. It’s so thin and fragile I feel like someone might sit on it or bump it from the table and smash it’s glory to bits…it’s scary sometimes when you get what you want, you work so hard to keep it from harm, especially when you work your ass off to get it–including love and life! O well, I haven’t fully explored its capabilities yet cuz I never had the time but I love its built it webcam, me and my officemates get a kick at taking stupid fotos of us infront of a computer. Though, I was trying to rename it the other day (home name is so long tatumsmacbookpro, like it can’t get any longer) and all my files moved to another dimension. It created a whole new desktop and library into another system, when I only intended to rename it, no matter how many hands looked for it we just couldn’t retrieve the files…weird, had to call technicians to fix it, and even they couldn’t figure it out. Funny how it disappeared when I just pressed what’s on the instruction, unless I’m stupid enough to mess it up. I hope to finish up on the magazine deadlines already so I can start studying how its new system works. Haay techno stress, we have to learn to keep up with it.

Hachuuuu…ehem…me want to get better already, so I can keep up with life as well. So much to do, so little time, and so little energy gurrrr…

I wanna run, I wanna dance, wanna sing my heart out and climb the highest walls, I wanna draw, I wanna scream, I wanna watch TV, wanna watch movies, wanna create so many things and work on so many stuff, buy so many things, cook so many recipes, meet people who’ll light up my dark,
and tick my 101 checklist…I’m happy though that my goals are looking bright, it’s only the start of the year, and most of my to do list are on its way, it’s just that I never have extra time to fill everything in.

It’s sad why so many of us give up on life when there’s so much to do, so many things to see and problems to get fixed… there are also those, like me, who wants to accomplish so much but ended up just sitting here doodling it… I hope not.

I was watching “Limelight” from lifestyle channel the other day, funny how chains of one’s life can lead to another…chance occurrences that fall on our laps everyday and make us who we are today or tomorrow… it’s lovely to think of life like that rather than focusing on the things we regret doing or the predicaments that hurt us the most, those things only pull us down and stops us from moving forward. One, two, step…I love waking up everyday. I hope years and years after this, I’ll still feel the same way…when I turn 30, 40, 50, who knows…it gives me chills but I love a life lived to the fullest…for now have to sleep and slow down so I can have many more tomorrow…

First Saturday of 2007 and I was still feverish with swollen lymph nodes on the neck, probably from smoking a lot since New Year…yuck…but I refuse to stay home and rest, it was ok though, had fun with a lot of people…

at least I still had my Sunday and it feels good to rest. I just felt bad that I wasted it on sleep, I could have gone to yoga or attended the charity seminar I had in mind the day before…but it’s so nice to wake up not having to worry that there’s something to rush or having to get up early and rush to work…sometimes when you work your ass off way too much you just want to crash and do nothing for a while, but I don’t want to complain, work’s been good, and I feel so lucky that I have a lot since the year started it’s a nice way to start a year, not stress but a lot of paying jobs…

It’s the year of the pig and I have no idea what we’re up against. I hope it’s prosperous, and I hope it doesn’t mean we’re all going to get fat! Hahaha ok that was stupid ;). Anyway, the start of the year has some quite shocking series of events, trouble in the work place, people passing away, people getting into road accidents, and others losing their house cuz of fire. Its scary but we face life never the less, I guess more responsibly :/ I don’t know…who am I to talk when I drive my life recklessly and always bumping on the edge…o well:/ last night I came across a documentary in HBO, some sort of black propaganda against the Bush administration. I don’t know much about politics, but I do know that it’s dirty and the person who really serve and do good things always gets killed. The shocking clips from the documentary was an eye opener and I feel so sad for the people who lost their loved ones during 9/11, and for what, sigh…because of greed for wealth and power. And the war now, for what, for some damn oil that keeps polluting our oceans…I don’t know what to say, it just makes me feel so small, like damn pawns or characters in the Sims. But its either we just let it depress us or do something, not fight using guns or anything that will hurt another human being, but maybe in other little things that are inspiring. It’s a sick sad world, and I hope we can all try to change it in our own little ways…

Happy! I wanna be happy! And I’m going to be!

I’ve had the craziest ending for my 2006 and the most unforgettable as well…umm maybe just those that I can remember ☺. I won’t even gush over my stupid stunts and funny mishaps, Tatum won’t be Tatum if I didn’t wake up with a bruised knee or a chipped tooth, but I’m still laughing. “My spoon of oil splashed everywhere but I still have some left, and it doesn’t matter that I spilled it, it is to who and how I spilled it”. You just need to remember that by the end of the day there are responsibilities and schedules to meet.

It’s my first time to spend the new year’s eve away from my family and I’ve had the craziest emotional breakdown in one whole day, happy, scared, sad, angry, revengeful, all that shit, but in the end I just managed to be indifferent and dance the rest of the night away.

Some people really try to ruin the beginning of my year but it will only work if I let them. I wonder why bitter and insecure exes manages to crawl up on my sleeve on the eve of new year and give me the coldest words that she can offer and make me the saddest, angriest and loneliest being amidst the white wash corners of my wall and the reverberating echo of fireworks from the countdown.

What drama, in the end, it didn’t even matter, such useless word vomits, and so many happy memories now tattered…o well, in the end, I’m the one who had fun and laughed ‘til the sun greeted my weary eyes. I’m the one who had the wings to go where I want to go, love who I want to love and just be a better person…I don’t want to be angry or sad anymore or keep grudges to another person, I refuse to… I’m just like everyone else, someone who longs for peace, sincerity, happiness and contentment…

Nobody wants to be miserable, I hope that this year people will learn to forgive, have an open mind and just get along with each other. Why can’t we all just get along…sigh…o well life’s like that. Bubble pop electric…let’s just keep dancing…